Perfect thread for this - thought SP would post it - then thought the non-venomous snake who threw his flute and is gunning for SP's title might post it - but alas here it is
Haha, I saw it next door
I watched it just cause it had LE and kyron usually post some good clips...
I think it's the way forward?
taken from the general Classic
The Tongmaster....
Steve was at the barbecue and Jeff was at the barbecue and I was at the barbecue; three men standing around a barbecue, sipping beer, staring at sausages, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone. We didn't know why we were at the barbecue; we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The barbecue was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet. J eff said the thin ones could use a turn, I said, "yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn", Steve said, "yeah they really need a turn" - it was a unanimous turning decision. Steve was the Tong-master, a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, SNAP, SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs. A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the sausages would've gone full circle, back to where they started. Nice, I remarked. The others nodded. Kevin was passing us, he heard the siren song sizzle of the snags, the barbecue was calling, beckoning, Kevinmmm ...come. He stuck his head in and said, "any room?" We nodded and began the barbecue shuffle; Steve shuffled to the left, Jeff shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Kevin slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer. Now there were four of us staring at sausages, and Steve gave me the nod, my cue. I was second-in-command, and I had to take the raw sausages out of the plastic bag and lay them on the barbecue; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers -fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. Gary came along, he said, "looking good, looking good" -the irresistible lure of the barbecue had pulled him in too. We nodded and did the BBQ shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Kevin, we sipped our beer. Five men, lots of sausages. Jeff was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Bavarian bratwursts and he showed lots of promise. Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing. Gary was shaking his head, he said, "I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them". There was a long silence, you could have heard a chipolata drop; this newcomer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; first the Tong-master, then the sausage-layer, then the Fork-pronger -and everyone below was just a watcher. Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber. Steve handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment - the abdication. The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip - was I ready for the responsibility? I snapped them twice, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies. I was a natural, I was the TONG-MASTER ...
Until Steve got back from the toilet....
A Brisbane teenager has been left red faced after mistaking a wandering mud crab for an early morning intruder.
Queensland Police Service officers attended the West End address with lights flashing and sirens blaring about 1:45am to calls of a break in.
The informant, a teenager, told police he woke to noises of someone in the kitchen, or what he believed to be someone in the kitchen.
Senior Sergeant District Duty Officer Todd Sucic said the teen was certain it was no other member of his family.
"He sought refuge in his bedroom and he requested to stay on the phone to police until they arrived because he was too scared to go out," Snr Sgt Sucic said.
"On arrival police were able to determine quickly that the offender responsible was actually a large mud crab that had escaped its box and was wandering around the kitchen.
"The person who called for help was slightly embarrassed and quickly secured the mud crab and all was good."
Snr Sgt Sucic said it was a "pretty hard case to crack".
"I think they recommended he boil the offender as soon as possible so they don't get a repeat call for this type of incident," he said.
Snr Sgt Sucic said all jokes aside, the teenager had done the right thing in calling police.
"If people are concerned that they could be in trouble or need help always give us a call. Better safe than sorry ... that's what we're there for," he said.
"It's not often you get a funny end to a serious call."
POSTED MON AT 7:47AM
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